Lies that Video Games Have Told Us

While I was sitting in class, totally paying attention, Christine and I came up with a list of lies that video games have told us. Here are the best ones,

Backpacks hold EITHER a parachute or your equipment, not both.

Rupees do NOT appear if you cut the grass.

Sleeping in a bed doesn’t heal ANY wound. Or even most wounds.

The jury is still out on whether or not prostitutes heal you.

Looting dead bodies for money and ammo is hard.

Hitting your head on bricks doesn’t make coins, stars, or mushrooms appear.

Doing a barrel roll does nothing.

Cars are not there for the taking, and the owners will be annoyed.

You do not need to know how to use a gun, to use a gun.

Ditto for swimming, horseback riding, sprinting, and driving a car.

More later…

Preparing to Import: Mass Effect 2

I have been waiting to buy Mass Effect 2. *waits for outrage to settle down* Yes, I know, how dare I? But there’s a good reason: I want to import a perfect save. I don’t know if this is even possible, worth it, or even recognized by Mass Effect 2. But it’s worth a shot.

Now, what do I mean by perfect? Getting completionist? Hardly. Every Acheivement? Almost there…what I mean is a true 100%. Every quest, side and main, completed; every acheivement; and every difficulty finished with the same character. I don’t know if all of this is feasible. Or just means I’m bored. But it’s my quest. My !. And I will complete it…or try my hardest.

Gamerzone: YOU DECIDE!

This summer, I plan to turn on my Xbox Live subscription for the first time. As I contemplated the wonders that would unfold before me, I realized that I will have to pick a Gamerzone for my tag. And I now have the impossible choice of picking a zone to play in. So, like a good American, I decided to outsource this decision.

Now clearly, the choice is between Underground and Pro. The relative merits draw about even. In Pro, the competition is tougher and more intense, but there is less griefing and off-color mic chatter. In Underground, it’s a much more social feel, and the atmosphere is more inviting, but it’s full of, well, dumbasses.

So the choice is yours! Post a comment and tell me what you think! Whichever gets the most votes, I will pick it! Simple as that. One final note: no matter how many pick it, I will NOT play in Family or Casual (jokesters…).

Worst Games Ever: Star Wars Galactic Battlegrounds

Okay, nobody played this game, so let me explain it a bit. It was a very basic RTS in the vein of Command and Conquer. Very much so, in fact. It feels more like a mod to Command and Conquer. But I digress.

The campaigns are plentiful, and let you play as each race before you try a randomly generated map, the meat of the game. The campaigns are easy and fun, with some passable VoiceOver work. But that’s not the problem. The problem is the way the races are balanced.

Each side has, at max, 2 unique units. The rest of the units (infantry, air, sea(!), and mechs) are EXACTLY THE SAME! The Gungan troopers(yes, the gungans are a playable race…) have the same stats as Trade Federation, Empire, Wookee, Naboo, Rebel, Confederacy, and Republic troopers!!

Because of this, the only reason to play any one race, besides their underpowered unique unit, is purely asthetic! There becomes so little strategy, that everyone finds themselves Tank Rushing because it’s all they’ve got! So thanks Lucasarts, for taking the S out of RTS. Stick to making RPGs and FPSs.

Black Ops Trailer!

Here it is, without any further ado. The official trailer for Call of Duty: Black Ops!

Obviously, this is a highly anticipated release, but it will be hard to beat Modern Warfare 2. Treyarch has big shoes to fill, and after the mediocre World at War, I am a bit skeptical. After all, the only good aspect of World at War was Nazi Zombies. If Treyarch expects this title to do well, they would do well to include a similar game mode.

As you can see, parts of the game do seem to take place in Vietnam. And the Arctic, or someplace with snow…actually, it’s hard to tell much of anything from this trailer. It all happens so fast…But Treyarch realizes that this game will be a hit on name recogition alone, but hopefully more info will be released as November 9th draws closer. Until then, let this teaser keep you entertained.

CoD: Black Ops

Activision and Treyarch are working on the next Call of Duty title. Rumored to be set in Vietnam and Cuba, among other locations, the teaser trailer was scheduled for 12:40 AM Friday on Spike TV. So I began to watch. 12:30 passed. Then 12:40 came and went. 12:50…1:00…by 1:40 AM, I began to question the intel. But Treyarch had confirmed the date and time on their Twitter page! What gives?

Last night, Activision quietly released a website for the game. It was a simple one-page layout, with only the light lettering of the title on a dark background. So where’s the trailer? This is a developing story, and I will bring you he latest as it developes.

Review! NFS: Undercover

Let the record show that I love Need For Speed games. I know that they are terrible racing sims, and that Evo’s really don’t go 240mph uphill while drifting(ahh, the good old days, when game physics was an oxymoron…). But I don’t care. If I’m looking for a fast and stupid good time, I will take an indestructible supercar for a drive. But this NFS takes the fun away.

There are good things. The car selection is great, and the new race modes are fun and exciting. But the whole game is waaaay too easy. Until very late in the game, there’s almost no reason to upgrade to a new car, besides growing bored of the back end of your tuner. The races and chases don’t require more than one try, and feel free to hit every wall, car, guard rail and road sign along the way.

While the storyline is especially unconvincing, NFS storylines are never any good. And yeah, I know they are all pretty easy, but at least you would occasionally lose to a snarky NPC.

This is by far the low mark in the series. I recommend picking up a copy of Most Wanted and reliving the high point in the series.

Final score: 60%

Controllers!

As I sat in my house last night, playing the worst NFS EVER!! (Review coming soon…), I realized that the controller I held in my hands had a lot of un-sexy ancestors. So I thought I’d look back at some of the controllers I have known and loved.

Logitech “Freedom” 2.4 GHz Wireless Joystick

This sexy lil peripheral was the best controller I ever owned. Period. With a crazy amount of buttons, Z-twist grip, and the throttle straight from Heaven, this thing had it all. All the buttons you never thought you’d use, until you needed to keybind a weapon switch or toggle view. I used it for Battlefront and Battlefront 2, even for sniping! But I loved it a little too much, and the two-stage Y-axis “down” gave out. It is sorely missed.

And the only controller that can even hold a candle to the Freedom…

Logitech Dual Action Wired Controller

This little wonder is for the Playstation gamers out there. The same button layout, but for PC. I logged many summer hours on this controller, trying vainly to reach 100% completion on GTA: San Andreas. But I can hear you now. Why not the wireless model? Why not the rumble one? Because I’m cheap, and for $20 retail, you can get an excellent dual-axis controller. Comes with drivers, which is a pain, but installing is painless and have you up and running in minutes. 

Review! Splinter Cell: Conviction

This isn’t the Splinter Cell you remember. There’s no incentive to not kill every guard in the area. There’s very little stealth, and grenades are waaaaay to plentiful. But it’s a fun ride, and gives you the best tour of post-turmoil DC this side of realism. Not since Fallout 3 have I had so much fun at the Lincoln Memorial. And that’s just one of many famous DC sites you will visit, as Tom Clancy is used to doing in both his books and games.

   Of course, there are plenty of dark warehouses, office buildings and even a carnival to hide Sam Fisher from the nearly telepathic guards. If this had been the Splinter Cell of old, this would be a thrilling ride full of tension and stealthy knife kills. But this is clearly 2010, and after we have all been desensitized by games like MW2 and Battlefield: Bad Company 2, Ubisoft must think we need to litter the ground with bodies and bullet casings to have fun.

   Let me be fair. It is a very fun game, with an excellent story and dialogue, but for fans of the series and the genre it practically defined, it is a bit of a letdown. The mediocre visuals don’t help this game rise above the rest, and the noticble lack of Sam Fisher-ness (no knife! can’t whistle!!) makes this just another “meh” game of 2010.

Verdict: 75%

Xbox gamer: One Week In review

Alright, so I have some gripes about my Xbox. The transition hasn’t been hard, as I had lots of console experience before this one, but I miss a few things.

#1 BEING ABLE TO SAVE!!! And no, not so-called “checkpoint saves”, I’m talking about real, spontaneous saves. And Quicksave/load. That would save me soooo much time in games like Mass Effect and Halo 3.

#2 My mouse and keyboard. BUT not for the reasons you might expect. I picked my mouse out special, because of the multiple thumb buttons, middling weight, and low drag. My keyboard was similarly hand-picked. So to move to a playing field where everyone is using the exact same controller, on the exact same system…All of the individuality is gone. I see why Gamertags, skins, avatars and the like are necessary. They are the only variation in a sea of sameness.

But don’t get me wrong, there are things I love about it. I love that it looks spectacular. I love that I don’t have to read the system requirements box before I buy. And I LOOOOVE renting games. It’s great, because it’s plausible on this platform. So, as the newest convert to the Temple of Xbox, I can happily say that I am very pleased with my move.